Hypnotize.
I love Adela Pilot. I’ve got the greatest best friend in the world. Is that a contradicting sentence? I don’t care. I love her.
I miss this girl like crazy. She’s all the way in Africa making me so proud, I love her so much. She is so wonderfully inspiring and is so unselfish. Bby, I hope you’re having an amazing experience. I cannot wait for your return though.
I love you, Yiska!!!
G-d,
How did I get so lucky? What did I do to deserve such a beautiful, perfect, loving, astonishing best friend? I pray every night, thanking you for sending this phenomenal, life-changing, inspiring soul to my life.
Thank you with every fiber of my being,
Anne.
Said, I still want you back.
I have decided so many times since Thursday that I would sit here and document everything like it was life-altering. However, whether it’s the lack of will, or the fact my feelings keep changing, I continue to disown the idea.
I’m curious as to how people who are supposed to be loving, kindhearted, there-for-you-throughout-everything type people can suddenly bury themselves into a tiny little hole they’ve purposely made for themselves and claim the busyness of every day life has gotten the best of them. Yet they can spend five hours a night, patrolling the “intraweb”, but can’t pick up a phone to ask, “you ok there?”
I have learned a lot of things in such a short amount of time; too much ridiculous information for one person’s brain to grasp at once. And I am trying so hard to differentiate the negative from the positive, to separate other people’s opinions and what, in fact, I am actually thinking, feeling in my heart. But it’s so damn hard.
Now YOU…you only promised me very few things these past few months, the months I’m really counting and holding onto (maybe with unintentional hope). Especially since February, everything seemed so rock hard. So in touch with getting your feelings through to me, so ready and able to appreciate my “being there for you” and attempting your hardest from your position to show just how much it meant. And you stated, from “the bottom of your heart” and from the stern and stable vibrations of your vocal cords to the ringing in my ears that:
-Everything would be ok.
-You would never lie to me.
-Under NO condition would you ever hurt me, “ever”.
-You would always be there, even if you couldn’t be “here”.
-and You would never disappear on me.
I was holding up five fingers when the preceding was first stated. And now, only half of one is standing, border lining a vertical stance with pride, or nail digging into my bleeding fist. I’ll clench and grind my teeth while you hide it out, wait it out. But I’m not going to lie and deny the fact that my insides are shaking and I’m counting every single second because I know you far too well by now and to be honest, this is scaring the hell out of me.
Take a deep breath. I say that to myself as I whisper it to you hoping you will swallow hard and allow me to shoot all five fingers back up in the air with strength and vindication. Don’t go back on your word and please, whatever you do, don’t prove this doubt right. I know you better than that. You’re better than that. And you know it. I promise you do.
Bicycle Race.
Sorry posting has been non existent. LA is consuming me. The one very good thing about this trip is that, though I’ve been close with most or these people for about a decade, I’m finally starting to realize who my true friends off. Onto another adventure today.
